health and happiness should be the beauty standard always.

Beauty standards cause us to always pick up something wrong with ourselves. You could have everything this season’s standard demands, and next summer it completely changes. The quote that “my body isn’t a trend” has never resonated with me more than it does now. But for years I ignored this advice and picked apart everything about my outward appearance.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not confident about every part of myself and that’s a discussion for another day. But for my outward appearance, I am proud to say that I’m getting there. It definitely wasn’t easy, but I think I found the key to appreciating my appearance no matter what.

Growing up an Indian American, I was constantly bullied in my youth. Kids are literally so mean for what?? I was always too hairy, too dark, hair was too curly, and my mustache and unibrow was getting thick. And I hated it. I remember looking at the blonde girls with straight hair from the back and just wishing I had their hair texture and color. I had a lower belly my entire life and never felt comfortable wearing fitted shirts (I remember this feeling since I was in third grade) and always prayed that it would go away. I was ashamed of my culture and being too flashy or ethnic amongst the others. I had no ounce of gratefulness in me.

In high school, the bullying stopped from others but the inward hatred came in at full speed. I never felt comfortable wearing the tighter clothes even though I wanted to, and I was constantly straightening my hair. Then, my senior year of high school, COVID hit. I had no where to go and decided to use this time to get in shape. I did the Chloe Ting ab workout everyday and cried when nothing came of it in 2 weeks. I started having acne because I wasn’t eating well and my mental health was very poor with the state of the world at the time. So overall, my self confidence was at an all time low.

Then I missed my first semester of college due to the pandemic. It was painful and extremely difficult for me, but it instilled a new perspective for my appearance and life in general. During my missed semester, I was extremely angry at the world for making me miss such monumental events, but once I finally got to move onto campus, I was compelled to always make the most out of everyday. Because until you lose those experiences, you never really realize how important they are to you, and how much you should appreciate them.

During my in-person semester, I decided to basically say f*** it and wear that cropped shirt and go say hi to that random person across my dorm and stop picking at my tummy for being showing through. I was just grateful to be here, healthy, and able to enjoy this new environment and freedom to the best of my ability. Seeing millions suffer in the pandemic made me realize that that fat on my lower tummy allows me to have children and a healthy cycle, my larger Indian nose was a gift inherited from my late grandmother and father, and that my thick hair and eyebrows are now being mimicked by others. I don’t know how else to describe this shift in perspective other than I woke up one day and decided not to care. I wanted to have fun without the lingering feeling of being less than simply because I don’t look like that other girl. Because at the ending of the day, who tf cares.

I stopped trapping myself into a box over things I can’t control, and I was happy to simply be here with good health. And I realized I was cheating myself this whole time.

Every summer I told myself that this was the year I’d get that bikini body. It never happened. This summer, I told myself to workout because it keeps me healthy and this is the the most consistent I’ve ever been. I enjoy going on jogs on my treadmill and taking that hour out of my day to take care of my heart health and it’s no longer a burden. Yes, my body looks the same to me and sometimes I think why I’m not seeing change. But I no longer let that rule my life.

What compelled me to write this was my shopping trip yesterday. I bought crop tops in bright colors and different silhouettes, something I wouldn’t have done even just last year. I used to wear dark colors mostly in high school and middle school, but I like branching out to brighter and feminine pieces now. I feel so much more me and it’s so refreshing to look in the mirror and feel pretty. Like genuinely pretty and grateful with how I turned out and how I look. And I hope that same feeling finds all of you.

In my opinion, the only thing that matters is health. If you have that, then who else’s opinions matter? What beauty standard could ever matter over the blessing of having good health? Nourish your body and mind, and everything else will fall into place. 🙂